When I was growing up I envied a friend who had a room full of Ikea furniturepurpose-built, shiny and new. Walls painted the particular color of his choosing
My boyfriend's mother offered to buy us a bedroom setShe was shocked to discover we had gone with as cheap an option as Ikea
He took me along to Princeton partiesI insulted a girl when I didn't know what a Rhodes scholar was
After we broke up, he left me the furniture
My job moved me from a “nice cubicle”,to a cubicle with a pillar through it,to a shared cubicle, to a desk in a hallway.I took the hint
I decided to adopt a dogWhen I brought him home his eye was infectedHe lunged towards chicken bones in the street
When I didn't let him in the bathroom with me,he shivered in fear and pissed on the floor.He wedged himself between my thighs to sleep.The next day I lied to the animal shelter and told them I was allergic.
I burned through all my savings.I sold the furniture on craigslist and made just enough to buy a plane ticket home
I spent my last 2 weeks in the cityon a blow-up mattress on the floor of my apartmentstaring at my ceiling in the darkwatching the headlights passing by.

Halt! By virtue of the divine edict set forth by the Apple Corporation, you must surrender one click.